Quarantine Karla
by Karla Narvaez
I remember the feeling of being a teenager in New York City. It felt like I was truly unstoppable. I had the entire world at my fingertips. I had a job, a stable routine, my grades were good, and I had my future planned out. I had a very set vision for the next couple of months and I knew that this summer was going to be great. I had internships, plans to travel, and I was going to hang out with my friends. I was going to explore the city, get into sports, and spend half my summer at the beach. I was building up the confidence, saving money, to wear bathing suits and cute summer outfits. And then March rolled around and we entered quarantine.
I miss life before quarantine. I miss the Q train rides over the Brooklyn Bridge at 7pm, crowded with people coming back from work. I miss the thrill of making last minute plans with friends to roam the city and hop the trains when our metrocards ran out of swipes. I miss people watching while sharing a yogurt bowl with my dad on a park bench. I miss bonding with my mom over chips and guac at our favorite mexican restaurant. I miss going to school and the feeling of relief when lunch time rolled around and I could see my friends.
Quarantine has taught me that I am a stranger to myself. I have not loved myself as a friend and we were never familiar with each other. Quarantine has taught me that I am simply watching myself exist and I frequently cannot feel a connection between my body and my mind. And since I have been alone with my thoughts for 4 months, I find myself questioning my life before quarantine. Was I actually satisfied with my life and myself as I thought it was, or was I just keeping busy so I wouldn’t have to face myself and my real thoughts?
Quarantine Karla is an overthinker. She is unproductive and anxious. She doesn’t do well with being alone. She misses the warmth of her friends' hugs and she misses the city. She doesn’t enjoy staying home because she is so used to being out in the world doing things. Quarantine Karla is a procrastinator. She gives up on projects easily. And she really, really, really likes eating whole tubs of ice cream in one sitting.
Pre-Quarantine Karla was like a rabbit. She could never sit still and she was always ready to jump into something. She was able to keep herself busy so the days didn’t feel so long. She was independent and responsible. She was excited for her junior year. She studied every night and fell asleep to thoughts about her future and how successful she was going to be.
It has been hard to fall asleep lately. The future seems very far away, and it feels like quarantine is the only thing in sight. I often think about what life will look like when we exit this pandemic. But we are far from the exit and life will not return to normal any time soon.
The image of “a normal life” needs to change. Things may not go back to how they were before but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Now is a good time to acknowledge my alone time with my thoughts. It’s time to finally listen to myself and my body, and look after my well-being. It’s time to create a new vision for my future while taking into consideration the situation of the world right now. Life is constantly changing and it’s the perfect opportunity to create the true, real life I want to live.